Almost everybody knows what to do after a bad fight with their spouses. Sometimes, it even comes naturally. You say sorry. You embrace each other. You make love. What’s not often talked about is what you shouldn’t do after an argument. This matter is equally crucial because stepping on it can make the conflict worse before it even gets fixed. Avoid these things when making up with your spouse:
Pretending it never happened
Fights are painful. Some words shouldn’t have been said. There might have been issues that shouldn’t have been brought up. Surely, there’s someone who was hurt in the process. So some people tend to sweep the conflict under the rug to avoid revisiting that hurt or taking responsibility for the pain they caused the other. Never, ever do that. If you dodge the pain, the anger and resentment will only take root and grow in your heart. Eventually, you’ll find it resurfacing again when another future fight breaks out again.
On the other hand, if you don’t take responsibility for the hurt you inflicted, you’re all the more likely to commit the same mistake again. The principle is, acknowledge that there was something wrong in the relationship. Pinpoint that shortcomings and mistakes. Don’t kiss and make up unless you recognize the elephant in the room.
Sharing your pain online
Indeed, you can virtually post anything you want on your social media. It’s your space, after all. But that shouldn’t include your fights with your husband or wife. It’s understandable that you want to make your Facebook your diary so you can have an outlet for the negative feelings, and admit it, get sympathy from others. Yes, this can be helpful, perhaps therapeutic for you — but it won’t be for your relationship. According toexperts in marriage counseling in Broomfield, this move will only worsen the conflict between partners, because it will substantially damage trust. Think about it, you’re putting very personal things about your relationship, about your spouse, out there, for all to see, for some to ridicule and mock. If you want to get the unpleasant feelings out, talk to a trusted friend. See a therapist. Ultimately, let it out on your partner. Take turns in releasing the anger and pain.
Allowing too much time to pass before reconnecting
One of the golden rules in conflict management in a relationship is to take time to cool off. To let the heat of the moment subside. But one of the fatal mistakes couples make, on the flip side, is prolonging that time off. When you allow too much time to pass before resolving things, it can result in you being all the more angry towards each other. You’re letting pain fester, without resolving it, so what do you expect? And even if you don’t necessarily get mad, you will surely feel numb. That’s worse than anger, mind you. When you don’t feel anything at all for your partner, it will quickly slide into thoughts of divorce over time. So yes, take a break to cool off, but make an effort to reconnect and patch things up immediately.
The Nasty Fight Aftermath
What you do after a terrible argument can make or break your relationship. If you want to keep your marriage strong, you want to avoid this faux pas.